


A Zoo of a Romance

by baylishmaylie



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Hallmark Movie AU, Prince!Newt, and falls in love, and meets newt, basically tina gets an assignment to go clean up a mess regarding theseus being an idiot, but there's a lot more than that, duchess!Leta, it's got a bunch of common hallmark movie tropes too, oh boy, police officer!tina, prince!Theseus, this should be fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-06-07 16:43:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15223403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baylishmaylie/pseuds/baylishmaylie
Summary: When Tina Goldstein loses her job, she vows to do anything in her power to get it back. So when her old boss calls her and assigns her to go to the European country of Normont to clean up a mess the Crown Prince, Theseus Scamander, has made, she gladly accepts. On her first day at the palace, however, she runs into Prince Newton Artemis Fido Scamander, and is immediately charmed by his quirks and shyness. But what with disapproving parents and a jealous co-worker, love will not come as easily as one would think...~or~a Newtina Hallmark movie AU that nobody wanted but I wrote anyway





	1. Prologue Part I

“Agent Goldstein.” Director Picquery slammed down her hand on her desk. Even though she was sitting, Tina observed that Director Picquery was still just as formidable – if not more in this situation – as she was standing.

Tina looked up in shock. “Director-”

“Agent Goldstein, this is final.”

“Director Picquery, please reconsider-”

“Goldstein, you are _fired_. There is nothing you can do or say to fix this. One or even two times was okay; three and four were stretching it – and we made this perfectly clear to you, by the way – but five is ridiculous.”

“Director-” Tina was on the verge of tears at this point. She was still fixated on the place Director Picquery’s hand had just been (on the mahogany desk she had hoped to inherit when Picquery retired – until now). Grudgingly, she looked up.

“It is completely unacceptable for you to answer a call when you were off duty and we already had other agents on the job! Goldstein, this would have been _fine_ on a county level. But this is federal level we’re talking about! If we had wanted you there, we would have called, but we didn’t; therefore, you were not wanted.”

Tina wiped at her tears angrily with her sleeve.

“Those children were helpless, Director!”

“They were not helpless, Goldstein. We had five officers on call, and at this point, you’re just a liability to our program.”

Tina blanched. _Liability, unwanted, annoying, liability-_

Running trembling hands through her hair, she pleaded, “Director, is there really nothing I can do to get this job back?”

“There is _not_.”

Tina slowly stood up from the desk. She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it and nodded grudgingly.

“Good day, Miss Goldstein.”

Tina would not give her ex-co-workers any of the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Scrapping up any shred of dignity she had left, she exited the building with her head high and her shoulders back, not giving any indication of the turmoil inside her head.

By the time she got to her blue Toyota Camry, she was racking with sobs.

She pulled out her phone and dialed her sister’s number.

“Queenie?” It was embarrassing how shaky her voice was.

“Honey, what’s wrong?”

“Can you come pick me up?” There was a slight pause.

“Of course, Teen. I’ll be right there. Love you.”

Tina pulled the phone away from her ear. She sank to the ground, tears spilling out of her eyes and down her cheeks, hands in her hair. The only thought left in her head was the certainty that she would prove Picquery wrong.

Tina Goldstein was better than a liability.

 


	2. Prologue Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Newt finds out about his brother's scandal two months before his coronation, he is  _this_ close to murdering Theseus in his sleep.

On the morning of February 15th, Newt was rudely awoken by a loud shouting match outside his door between what sounded like –

“ _Theseus Scamander! You listen to your mother right this instant!_ ”

“Mum, it was just a girl -”

“ _Just a girl?!_ Theseus, you’re to be coronated in _two weeks!_ ”

Newt groaned. He wondered what girl would be stupid enough to know of Theseus’ playboy nature and still decide he was worth her time.

“Theseus, you do realize _someone_ is bound to leak this to the tabloids, right?”

“Nonsense! We were careful, mother!”

“If you were so careful, how come your father walked in on you two spooning each other on one of the _kitchen countertops_? She’s here on official business from her duchy, not to be your little plaything!”

Newt rolled over and placed his pillow above his head so as to block out the noise. Their voices escalated, however, and soon he could hear them just as well as he could without the pillow.

“Mother, as long as the press doesn’t find out, I don’t see why it’s such a big deal. Really, this has happened before, and you didn’t care then!”

“You’ve been shirking your duties flaunting around in the States for so long, you don’t even know Newton’s found himself a girl!”

“You’re kidding, right?”

Newt fought the urge to get out of bed and punch Theseus himself. He’d gain more on him by eavesdropping, anyway.

“Of course I’m not kidding! He’s handsome enough, and if he wasn’t so shy, he’d have girls flocking to him! The nerve, Theseus-”

“Mother, what does this have to do with anything?”

His eyes began drooping shut again; after all, it was only 7 o’clock in the morning. He was just dozing off when he heard his mother nearly scream.

“Theseus, his girlfriend is _Leta Lestrange_!”

Newt sat up straight, blinded by the light coming in the window from his right. He had to have misunderstood the implications of that sentence. His heart dropped in his chest. He went to the door, not entirely sure he wanted to hear what was coming.

“Holy mother of-”

The remainder of Theseus’ sentence was cut short due to a fist in his face.

Newt’s fist, to be exact.

* * *

"Remember when I told you I hated Theseus when I was five, and you told me to apologize?" Newt asked.

"I don't remember a specific time, but there seemed to be a lot of that. Why?" Her Majesty rubbed soothing circles into Newt's back.

"I meant it. I really, truly did." He hiccuped.

"Okay, dear, but it's two in the morning. I really must get to bed now."

"Alright. Sorry to keep you up," Newt replied, then added, "I should probably try to sleep as well."

"It's no problem at all, Newton. Now get some rest."

He laid back onto his pillow. There were about five bowls stacked on his nightstand, most of which had contained either ice cream or noodle soup - his comfort foods. The trash can next to his bed was nearly filled with tissues. His pillows were all over the floor, considering throwing anything harder would have likely broken something. He chuckled humorlessly under his breath. _It's too late for that now._ His heart was already shattered, the shards puncturing his lungs, scratching at his ribs, scarring any and all internal organs it could reach. He wanted to tear it out - what was left of it, anyway - and throw half at Theseus and half at Leta. Theseus had tried to apologize - _I didn't know, Mum didn't tell me,_ etcetera. Empty, backhanded words, as per usual from Theseus. Even if Theseus was unaware of his new relationship with the duchess Leta Lestrange, Newt knew for a _fact_ Theseus knew Newt had fancied her since he was twenty years old - ten years! He'd make an awful king, especially since it involved getting married and settling down. He felt bad for the next queen of Normont.

And the nerve of Leta! He'd be forced to make up some ridiculous story about how it was a mutual breakup and that no, they would not be getting back together, and no, it was nothing personal, even though it most certainly was, just so the press wouldn't have a field day about it. He didn't know how long it had been since he'd last checked, but he was on the top fifty Eligible Bachelors of the World at one point (Theseus was always checking on his own ranking), so he was relatively popular (mostly with preteen girls that still checked the EBW list, but still). He wouldn't be able to talk about it to anyone. Her reputation would be no worse for wear, even though it definitely deserved to be. What kind of girl would not only cheat on a man, but do it with his brother?

He didn't have the energy nor the motivation to be mad anymore. All he felt like doing was sobbing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are worth a thousand donut holes :)
> 
> Also, just in case any of you are wondering, my update schedule should be between 3 and 4 pm EST every Sunday. The chapters should be longer after these prologue chapters, but since school is starting ridiculously early for me this year, updates may not be as consistent...? I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks for reading!!


	3. Chapter I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tina goes to a movie with Queenie to boost her spirits when she gets a surprising phone call.
> 
> She also realizes just how hot Newton Scamander is.

It’ll heal with time, they said.

You’ll get over it soon, they said.

They lied.

Tina knew she needed to find another job soon, seeing as she was the main source of income for herself and her sister and it had been two weeks since she’d been fired, but being a police officer was her passion. Apart from that brief year or two that she wanted to be a witch (which scared her parents senseless; as Jews they were more or less opposed to the idea), she had always wanted to go into law enforcement one day. Being fired from federal law enforcement was like getting a bite into a slice of cake and then having your parents take it away from you.

 _Maybe I should just stop being so ambitious,_ she thought to herself, then chuckled humorlessly. _Impossible._

“What’s so funny, Teen?” her sister asked from above her.

“Literally nothing.”

“Stop being so angsty.” Tina hissed as Queenie plucked an exceptionally stubborn eyebrow. This was their ritual – when one of the sisters was upset, the other would pluck their eyebrows. It was a strange quirk to have, but it helped, for no apparent reason.

“I’m not being angsty-”

“ _All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out-_ ”

“Stop!” Tina giggled. In moments like these, it was easy to let go and just enjoy the presence of her sister. Queenie always seemed to know what Tina needed – whether it was coffee, space, laughter, ice cream, noodle soup, sleep, a movie – no matter what, Queenie was always there. It was like she had some sort of clairvoyant ability to see inside Tina’s mind. Where Tina had ambition, Queenie had empathy. It was a sort of balance, a yin-yang, if you will. But no matter how hard Queenie tried, she couldn’t solve all of Tina’s problems.

Once their laughter died down, Queenie spoke up.

“Tina, you really do need to start looking for another job. I’ve started looking too, for the time being, but there’s no way I’ll be able to sustain us both as a cosmetologist or anything else I might be interested in, so you’ll need to find something soon.”

“I know, I know. It’s just-”

“Yeah, being a police officer was your dream. And it sucks that Director Piquery would fire you like that. But at this point there’s not really anything you can do about it. Tell you what – we’ll go see a movie today, to get your mind off things, as long as you find at least five openings you’re interested in by day after tomorrow.”

“Well, it depends on the movie. Is there anything new out? Other than creepy horror movies that’ll keep me up at night even more than I already am.”

“There’s nothing new… but The Greatest Showman is still showing, and I know how much you loved it the first _three times_ we saw it.”

“Oh, come on, Queen, I wasn’t the only one! You were practically singing the lyrics to ‘Rewrite the Stars’ last time.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll leave you to get ready, then we’ll go.”

Tina ducked into her room to put on something slightly nicer than the gray sweatpants and Syracuse University sweatshirt she was wearing to mope around in and decided on a baby blue blouse with navy jeans. She didn’t bother with makeup – the only times she’s ever worn it was to her high school and college graduations, her induction to the CIA, and work parties here and there. It was just Queenie anyway – and they were going to be in a dark room packed with strangers she honestly couldn’t care any less about. She grabbed her phone off her nightstand, her purse from the foot of her bed, and slipped on her shoes to head outside.

As they stepped into the crowded theater (it’s been a month since the movie first came out; how is it still this popular?) there was a simultaneous buzzing resonating through the building. Everyone went into pockets, purses, sometimes even bras, to check what the latest political scam/collusion/fraud was. Tina was intrigued, to say the least, but at least had the common courtesy to move into her seat next to Queenie instead of stopping in the middle of the aisles to see what all the kerfuffle was about. She pulled out her phone to turn the brightness down for anyone who actually cared about the previews and read the headline.

“ **New(t)est Sca(ma)ndal: Heartthrob Crown Prince of Normont Caught Sleeping With Brother Newton Scamander’s Girlfriend – ‘I don’t even know what came over me’”**

She rolled her eyes and shut off her phone. Where the hell was Normont, anyway?

~~

Every time. Every time. Every time.

From Now On. Made Tina cry. Every. Single. Time.

Queenie handed Tina a tissue from her bag. The middle-aged couple sitting in front of them turned around and dramatically shushed her. Heads snapped. People were looking. Oh no.

And to top it off, Tina’s phone rang.

_Why are you so stupid get a grip go answer your phone you should’ve worn makeup today at least turn the ringer off you idiot you emotional mess_

She snatched up her purse and left the theater. Stalking over to a nearby bench advertising for a new movie – A Simple Favor, it read – and picked up the phone.

“Hello?”  
“Porpentina Goldstein?”

“Yes, this is she.”

“Director Piquery would like to speak with you.”

~~

After multiple nervous breakdowns in the bathroom and shaking of hands and jellification of legs, Tina walked into Picquery’s office – the very one she thought she’d never see again as of two weeks ago. She looked just about as stressed as Tina was.

“You wanted to see me?”

“I’m giving you this one chance to get your job back with us. Just this one.”

She did a mental double take.

“D-Director Picquery, I would do anything to work here again. But – why?”

“We’re unfortunately short on staff members for a time like this. Firing you seems to have been the last straw. You’re more than skilled enough for this job, you just tend to show up where you aren’t necessarily wanted.”

_Liability, unwanted, annoying, liability, emotional mess-_

“I promise, Director, it won’t happen again. I swear, I’ve learned my lesson.”

“I sure hope you have,” Picquery responded, “because need to send you to Normont.”

Tina Goldstein tended to be very impulsive when it came to speaking her mind and usually regretted almost anything that came out of her mouth. She had _no_ filter.

“Where the hell is Normont, anyway?”

She gasped and covered her mouth immediately, but Picquery actually snorted.

Tina’s jaw dropped.

“That’s the thing,” Picquery laughed, “I don’t thing anyone knew except preteen girls who keep up with the EBW list. Until today, at least.”

Tina raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“That “New(t)est Sca(ma)ndal thing you probably saw today? Everybody’s going crazy over it, and we’re not exactly sure why. No one cared about the crown prince of Normont, or Normont in general, until today. All I know is that there’s a coronation coming up where this playboyish excuse for a prince Theseus Scamander is being crowned king, and he slept with his brother’s girlfriend, Duchess Leta Lestrange, two nights ago. Needless to say, the palace needs some major damage and paparazzi control, but most of the law enforcement in Normont is already being stationed for the events leading up to the coronation, which is where you come in.”

“What do you mean? I can’t do anything about that from here, can I?”

“I mean, you probably could, but Normont has requested some backup from the CIA while we can afford to give up some of our agents. We’ve been told to keep this hush-hush so no one knows that the CIA has been significantly weakened from this scandal, so please don’t tell anyone except your sister? You’ll be given Normont Law Enforcement identification there. You’ll sort of be in the limelight, as you’ve been instructed specifically to keep watch over Prince Idiot’s brother here, Prince Newton “Mopey” Scamander for about two weeks.”

“And you’re giving me my job back if I accept this offer?”

“I’ll give you tonight to think about it, but if you do accept, the job’s all yours.”

Tina thought about it for approximately 2.78 seconds before she made her decision.

“I don’t need tonight. I accept.”

“Great! We’ll fly you out tomorrow morning then.”

Tina stood for a second, slightly dumbfounded.

“In case you hadn’t realized, Agent Goldstein, you’re dismissed,” Picquery said.

“Oh – right – sorry,” Tina stumbled both over her words and over the leg of the chair she was standing next to. Picquery laughed behind her.

She got into her Toyota again and sobbed – but this time with gratitude.

The instant she got home, she sat down at her and Queenie’s shared computer and began researching Normont. She wasn’t going to let Picquery down again, and if she wanted to do that, she at least needed to know where the hell it was.

After some decent geographical searching, she decided to do some research on the prince she’d be watching over for two weeks. She typed Newton Scamander into the search bar and the first thing that came up in the autocomplete section was “why is newton scamander such a baby”. She frowned. Just then, Queenie came over to the computer, ecstatic.

“Teenie, today is your lucky day!”

“How so?”

“Well, for one, you got to see a movie with yours truly-”

“Oh, shut up-”

“For two, you got your job back-”

“Well, okay-”

“And for three, the prince you’re assigned to is really incredibly _extremely_ hot!”

She looked at the picture. Of course, it was on EBW’s official website.

His brown hair was styled in an intentionally-messy-but-not-that-messy fashion. His face contained a smattering of freckles with a soft jawline. He was dressed in a crisp blue button-up shirt and slacks with black dress shoes – ordinary business wear, but still exuding a royal attitude. His blue eyes showed an air of being slightly uncomfortable – she didn’t blame him; she would be too. But as she focused on the overall image of him – Prince Newton Artemis Fido Scamander – she realized something important.

Damn.

He _was_ hot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So it's been over two months since I've updated. School and band are sooo fun, amirite? Anyway, I hope this chapter makes up for my lack of posting. It's practically unedited (I wrote it all in like three hours??), so sorry for that, but I'm prepared for my workload now and hope to put up a new chapter at least once every two weeks.
> 
> Kudos and comments are worth infinite new-book smell :)


	4. Chapter II - Newt & Tina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tina needs to get away from a coworker and has an unfortunate run-in with one Prince Newton Artemis Fido Scamander.

Ever since he could remember, Newt went to the stables when he was upset. It was so peaceful in there – he didn’t have to worry about Theseus or Leta or his public image. His mother used to follow him out every time she noticed he was gone. She never worried about where he was until she checked the stables, and if he wasn’t there, she would alert the royal guard, because she had no idea where he would be – and she’s only ever had to do that once, when he and Leta were going riding on the horses that were in the stables, so not really that much of a difference. Except Leta was there –

No. He wouldn’t let her ruin his peace.

She had finally deigned to talk to him on the 16th of February, the day after the _incident_ with Theseus, and the day before this blissfully sunny day. She sounded apologetic and genuine, saying how she hoped they could still be friends, but she would understand if they couldn’t, especially since she was now officially courting Theseus-

He didn’t realize he was sobbing until the horse he was leaning on whinnied from the discomfort of Newt’s trembling. He sat up, mumbled an apology to Frank, and began the lengthy process of pulling himself together.

He had a brunch to attend, after all.

~

Earlier that morning, Tina was informed that she would be introduced to the royal family at brunch. After flying first class for the first time in her life, she wasn’t sure she could picture more luxury than was on that plane, but as she approached the palace from the royal motorcade with her coworkers, she realized she was incredibly wrong. The luscious greenery from the forest surrounding her was such a sharp contrast from New York that she felt completely out of her comfort zone – before she even entered the grounds, at that.

And then she saw the palace.

All thoughts of the forested areas she just passed were forced from her mind as she took in the beauty displayed in front of her.

The uniquely blue rooftops were the first thing that caught her eye. She’d also never seen the vast number of windows going down the sides of the exterior, and wondered just how many there were that weren’t visible from her current vantage point. The forest behind her was surrounding the entire palace grounds, and the light filtering through the trees from the barely risen sun made the whole place look ethereal. The gardens were filled with flowers of all kinds, ones she couldn’t even begin to name. The fountains contained water so impossibly clear, she felt as if looking into them would be exactly like looking through glass. And when the man sitting next to her – Achilles, she had learned – rolled the window down, the smell could have been placed into one of Queenie’s perfume bottles and no one would have been any the wiser.

“It’s beautiful,” she breathed.

“It sure is,” said Achilles, looking more at Tina than she was at the view outside. He moved his hand closer to hers.

“You know what else is beautiful?”

Struggling to come up with an excuse not to be around this man who was slowly suffocating her (comments throughout the entire flight and ride about how pretty she was and how lucky anyone would be if they had a chance to be with her, excuses made constantly in order to be in close proximity, the works), she decided to come up with someone else to complement.

“Hannah over there _is_ very pretty, isn’t she?” she exclaimed frantically.

The woman Tina was referring to gave her an odd glance.

“I’m not – into girls, Tina, but thanks for the compliment all the same--”

“No, Hannah, that’s not what I meant –“

Achilles butted in, much to Tina’s dismay.

“While she is very pretty, Tina, there’s no need to be modest. Everyone here knew I was talking about you except you, apparently.”

The motorcade came to a halt ( _finally_ ).

“Look, Achilles, I appreciate it, but I’m not interested,” Tina shot back. She grabbed her bags and, as soon as the driver opened the door, swung out of the vehicle and quite literally sprinted towards the palace entrance.

“C’mon, Tina!” Achilles complained in the distance. Turning around, she realized he was following her – and being significantly taller than her, he would catch up to her sooner or later.

Veering off the main path, she made a right into the gardens. She realized there were people yelling after her, one of them being Achilles, but after turning around for a split second, she realized palace guards were on her tail as well.

_Shit._

She couldn’t actually enter the palace until she had been thoroughly inspected, and it wasn’t like she could leave the grounds and effectively lose her pursuers without getting lost in that forest. Her only options were to either keep running aimlessly through the gardens or be further subjected to Achilles’s flirting – and she had a feeling the former would result in the loss of her job for the second time in a week.

In other words, she was going to have to stop running at some point or another.

Spotting a gated area up ahead, she sprinted into it, hoping it would lead to somewhere indoors she could hide for a few seconds to catch her breath.

Unfortunately for Tina, this was not the case.

She found herself in the palace stables. And, just her luck, it was a dead end.

Frantically looking for a place to hide, she found that the only places she could successfully go were inside the horse stalls themselves, and she was _not_ about to get her uniform dirty. But she didn’t really have a choice in the matter, so she dashed into the one on her left, and ended up bumping into one of the stablehands.

“Sorry, sorry, excuse me for a minute-“ she muttered, trying to get past him.

Then, an idea hit her.

Without making eye contact, she stalled, “What’s your name?”

The (very handsome) stablehand replied, “I’m Newt, and you are…?”

“Tina.” Then, at the sound of rapid, heavy footsteps coming from the entrance she had just walked through seconds before, she added, “I’m really, really sorry about this.”

And just as Achilles Tolliver yelled her name, she grabbed the straps of his overalls and brought his lips to hers.

It was only for a blissful few seconds, (she would later argue they were the best seconds of her life), but she finally heard the sounds of Achilles walking away and swearing up a storm. The guards followed not too far behind him as soon as Achilles said she was with the NYPD, and soon, they were alone.

The stablehand pulled away, looking at Tina in a state of shock.

Finally, she looked into his eyes to apologize one last time before she ran away to hopefully never see him again during her time here, but the syllables died on her tongue.

She recognized that face from somewhere.

“Ma’am, are you quite alright?” Newt asked.

“You’re – you’re the prince.”

And running her hands through her hair in exasperation, Tina sprinted out the way she came in just a few minutes before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this will probably continue happening so I'm not going to say it won't, but I am so so sorry for not updating in so long. I've had all of winter break to write and now it's over and I've only written one chapter. I hope it's okay, because I didn't really edit it (oof). But it's long(ish), so that should make up for it. I don't know when I'll be able to post again, but I'll try to be more regular?? No promises though.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are always appreciated!!


End file.
